Wednesday, August 17, 2011

day 4 - Something You Need to Forgive Someone For

I need to forgive Taylor. Sometimes I still think about what a stupid moron he is. And how he didn't think or care about how anyone else would be affected. I always hope that Josh was able to separate the 2 events in his mind, so that when he thinks back to Kaius' birth, he doesn't think of Taylor's death. Plus, we stayed awake until 2 or 3 AM talking/Josh grieving the night before I was induced (I didn't need to grieve yet, I was just pissed). Josh had to leave me in the hospital with brand new Kaius to go to the funeral. I was supportive of Josh going, but pissed that this death was no accident. It was controlled.

But you know what, I need to forgive him. I shouldn't judge him. I do not know exactly what he was going through. I have no idea what it feels like for my spouse to tell me I suck and leave me, and then find out they're pregnant (that would be extra crazy in my case).

1 comment:

Jennie said...

This is tough. I know how you feel and that you wish he'd have thought about someone besides himself. I did a lot of research about depression in college and learned a ton. Maybe this will help you understand - when people get depressed, they cant "just snap out of it". Deep depression is all consuming and it's like you've left your own body and can't do anything about it. They call it a black curtain because it's as if you're floating in the corner of the room, watching yourself waste away and there is a black curtain hiding the real you from the distraught you.