Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Phrases I don't like

"Everything happens for a reason"
What does that even mean? I have always wondered. Why do people believe this?

Well, literally, yes everything happens for a reason. The reason someone gets hit by a train, is because...they were in front of a train.
But people tend to use this phrase in situations like...they didn't get a house they put an offer on, people often give this "advice" to couples struggling with infertility (LAST thing they want to hear, PS) (edited to say, I can't speak for ALL people struggling with infertility..just the ones who have told me this), not getting a job you interviewed for, etc.

No, you didn't get that job you interviewed for because they felt someone else was better for it. If you sleep through your alarm on your way to work doesn't mean if you woke up on time you would have gotten in a car wreck.

Are you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?

Take 9/11 terrorist attack for example. All those stories of people that were sick that day, slept through their alarm, etc and weren't at the World Trade Center that day and therefore didn't die....They weren't supposed to die, but everyone else who was responsible and showed up WERE supposed to? Puh-lease.

I believe God gives us blessings. Many blessings. Especially when we keep his commandments. But our lives are NOT determined. Yes, God knows what is going to happen but that doesn't mean you can coast through life. You gotta grab the bull by the balls, so to speak. If you want something, go get it. "Oh, I didn't get the job I wanted. Guess it wasn't meant to be. I'll just hold a little ceasars sign on the sidewalk." Can I get an AMEN?
Edited to add one more example...WARNING, its a sad example. How about stillbirth, due to doctor error? What reason did that happen for?? Maybe I'm just looking into it too literally, but if my baby passed away and I knew it was because of the doctor, I couldnt brush it off and say "Oh, these things happen for a reason."

"Never regret anything, because at the time it was something you wanted."
Yeah, at the time, you were also a big dumb idiot! Or just inexperienced with life, is a better way to put it, I guess?
People who say they never regret things [seem to be] the type of people that don't grow and progress as a person, or haven't done so yet. I've made many stupid mistakes in my life, and you better believe I wish I could have learned the lessons I did in another way. However, in a lot of ways I think I have learned life lessons by observing as well (i.e. Ya know when a girl "waits" for a missionary, and then 98% of the time one of them change their mind about the other within the next 2 years? Yeah, I gathered enough statistics to dodge that crap-fest. Its all about setting the correct expectations.)

I guess this can be good, like, I'm a HUGE worry wart..but the only person I knew to say this quote was the laziest person ever. So I don't like it.


Cammie said...

Amen to quote #1. I hate that quote!!! People said that to me all the time and I wanted to punch them in the face.

Naomi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Naomi said...

I somewhat agree with #1. It is very true...Everything does happen for a reason. We marry that one person for the reason that it is who we are to marry. We die because it was predetermined in heaven that we would. In some ways it gives me comfort to know that every thing was planned before we came to this earth. Yes we have our free agency but we still knew what would happen. I knew in heaven what my trials would be. I knew that I would have infertility. So I know that even though the last thing I want to hear from someone is "Everything happens for a reason" it is true. Through the trials we learn something it is crucial for us to live and grow. I don't know what it is that I will learn but I have somewhat an idea. And #2...I totally agree with that one. We have to learn somehow and most of the time we are hurt in the process. I have learned from all of my mistakes and don't regret any of them. Sure I wish there was an easier way to learn but how can you learn with out making mistakes....ok off my soap box now...

Jana said...

I don't know, I do thing that some things happen for a reason. I do think God has a plan for us, it may be hard to see it in them moment, but once you are out of the bad times, you can look back and see that many blessings came from the trial you were faced with. I think God gives us trials to make us stronger.

I think that people say that phrase to try to help someone feel better... I think it's pretty hard to know the "right" thing to say when someone is going through a trying time, but I think it's better to say something, rather than say nothing. If the person is looking to be offended, then nothing you say is going to be right.

Mom said...

I know I'm late in replying, but I do think things happen for a reason. Not sure if EVERYTHING happens for a reason, but I know that God lets bad things/good thing happen to us. Sometimes it is the result of bad decisions and consequences of those decisions (traffic ticket/or driving the speed limit) and sometimes it has no bearing on our actions or the actions of others. (Infertility, birth defects, laid off at job, etc)
I do believe that of the 55,000 people normally at the Twin Towers, only a small fraction of those were there that day. I do believe there was Divine Intervention involved. That is not to say the ones killed/injured were not loved or protected, but Heavenly Father allows things to happen as the result of others' choices/actions.

I agree with Jana. People really do not know what to say in situations. I don't and as a result of your blog, I apologized to someone for saying something I said. But I believe if you look at someone's intentions, you will see that no matter what they said, if they had good intentions, to make you feel better, etc, then we should probably try to see that instead of getting offended. If you look for the good in others, you will find it. If you look for the negative, you will always find that as well.

I haven't heard the other sayings, nor have I said them, so I'm leaving those alone. :)