Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The friday before Kaius was born Josh's best friend (dont worry, he has like 6 best friends) got married. It was a beautiful sealing and reception. Another one of Josh's close friends that was having a hard time in life came to the breakfast before the sealing, and the sealing. He and his wife were separated and was a writer struggling to find work in this economy. Josh suggested after the sealing (since he had to go back to work) that I run to the store and grab some groceries for this friend. Well, I was 9 months hugely pregnant and there are days you have energy and days you've used it all up! :)
Sunday night we decided to go for a walk, try to naturally induce labor before we go in the next morning to be induced. Josh received a phone call was told Josh's friend had committed suicide on Friday.
We extended our walk to about three miles. By the time we got home, I almost didn't make it, I almost peed my pants.
i was pretty sad but also pretty mad at the selfishness, he didn't think it would affect anyone or maybe he did know it would but didnt care?
We stayed up pretty late instead of going to bed early as planned. Josh needed to mourn and we both needed to talk about it, so it wasn't drawn out through our week.
The time we had that week was definitely not how we pictured! As josh and I sat behind the blue curtain and listened to the doctors struggle to pull Kaius out and then hearing his cry right away...nothing was on our mind at those kind of moments except our baby.
Having death and birth in the same week makes for quite an emotional week! I'm sure it changed their honeymoon as well.

This was just on my mind today. I never cried about that situation until now. I really wanted to separate those two events in my mind back when they happened. I don't know if not going to drop off groceries on that Friday would have been a really really good idea, or a really really bad one.
We researched the subject on that night we found out, and wanted to know what the "rules" were. Basically we learned each case is different so each case is judged differently. We don't know if people have chemical imbalances or what. All I can say is I wish it didn't happen. He was such a funny guy. He helped us move once. He was our neighbor and gave me eggs when I would run out and wanted to make cookies. We'll miss him.


Chelsee said...

When I was a senior in high school, we had 4 kids commit suicide. The first one was a real shock, and then it just kept happening. Horrible.
I'm really sorry you had it happen to someone you were so close with.

Jeana said...

after going through what we have, you look at things differently. at scotts funeral a member of the stake presidency spoke and said just that.. that there is only on person who truly knows what was in their heart and mind. aren't we glad that we aren't the ones to judge :)

Bradley, DeAnna, and Donovan said...

That's rough. I've had friends die, but it's never been suicide. I always thought it was really selfish, but I know we really don't know what is going on in their heads. I'm with Jeana, I'm glad we aren't the ones who make that judgment. It just makes me sad that someone could really be that depressed.

Madalyn said...

O that is so sad, and selfish. It's not about the one who left this earth, it's hard for all those left behind to pick up the pieces and wonder why or how this happened.
I'm sorry that all that happened so close together for you, what a roller coaster of emotions