The friday before Kaius was born Josh's best friend (dont worry, he has like 6 best friends) got married. It was a beautiful sealing and reception. Another one of Josh's close friends that was having a hard time in life came to the breakfast before the sealing, and the sealing. He and his wife were separated and was a writer struggling to find work in this economy. Josh suggested after the sealing (since he had to go back to work) that I run to the store and grab some groceries for this friend. Well, I was 9 months hugely pregnant and there are days you have energy and days you've used it all up! :)
Sunday night we decided to go for a walk, try to naturally induce labor before we go in the next morning to be induced. Josh received a phone call was told Josh's friend had committed suicide on Friday.
We extended our walk to about three miles. By the time we got home, I almost didn't make it, I almost peed my pants.
i was pretty sad but also pretty mad at the selfishness, he didn't think it would affect anyone or maybe he did know it would but didnt care?
We stayed up pretty late instead of going to bed early as planned. Josh needed to mourn and we both needed to talk about it, so it wasn't drawn out through our week.
The time we had that week was definitely not how we pictured! As josh and I sat behind the blue curtain and listened to the doctors struggle to pull Kaius out and then hearing his cry right away...nothing was on our mind at those kind of moments except our baby.
Having death and birth in the same week makes for quite an emotional week! I'm sure it changed their honeymoon as well.

This was just on my mind today. I never cried about that situation until now. I really wanted to separate those two events in my mind back when they happened. I don't know if not going to drop off groceries on that Friday would have been a really really good idea, or a really really bad one.
We researched the subject on LDS.org that night we found out, and wanted to know what the "rules" were. Basically we learned each case is different so each case is judged differently. We don't know if people have chemical imbalances or what. All I can say is I wish it didn't happen. He was such a funny guy. He helped us move once. He was our neighbor and gave me eggs when I would run out and wanted to make cookies. We'll miss him.

Sorry Sorry!

Let me just say first that the purpose of the previous post was to generate a response. And it did! I've just added like 8 blogs to my list and who knows how long these unknown readers would have gone without saying anything...:)
But my intent wasn't to hurt anyones feelings, well, maybe a crazy person that wants to steal my identity or pictures of my cute baby for bad things (like posting a baby for sale on craigslist)....but if you're not that kind of person, don't worry, I ain't mad atcha.
When I say I dont get why people read blogs of people I dont know, it just means I don't go poking around, but if someone likes to read my blog because im so hilarious ;)...i welcome you to say hello, then I'll have an interest to look at your blog! I'm not closed off to new friends :)

I unfortunately haven't heard anything from Brazil or Madrid people. That still kind of scares me.
BUT, apparently Blogger can recommend blogs to you? and that's how some people found my blog? I had no idea. But whatev, thats cool.

Alright, I need to prepare my talk for Sacrament meeting this Sunday. By small means the Lord can bring about great things and the weak things of the world will break down the mighty and strong...sounds like the most complicated subject ever.
Ah. Me so scared.

Look here, Blog-stalkers.

Yeah, you. Well, not you if A) your blog is listed on my peeps list on the right side of my blog. B) You have a google account and make comments every once in a while or C) You read my blog and have told me you do, like...friends and family.

As for the rest of you. You...you better show yourselves. You're freakin me out, man.
ever since I got this live traffic feed, I see all the hits this blog gets:


Yeah, I'm talkin to you, Louisville, KY. and you, Toronto, Ontario. and you, Girona, Cataluna...Country I've never heard of! Do you even speak english??
I seriously get lots of people from weirdo countries on this thing!

Anyway, I really dont understand the whole blog stalking thing...I am not really interested in other people's blogs/lives that I dont know..but if you are blog stalking me, just, freakin leave a comment or somethin! If not I'm just gunna privatize my blog. Again this isnt for like family or friends, just other people like Great Britian. I know no one from Great Britian! I had no idea people were so bored!

Event for Bronson Staker!

I am so excited to go meet Bronson and his momma and his family. We followed their blog following the days after he drowned and cried over the emotional posts-even the miraculous ones. I hug Kaius a little tighter now. Here is their blog if you'd like to read the story stakerzxposed.blogspot.com

Cloth Diapering?

So I was looking around some Etsy shops and found a girl that makes pretty cheap cloth diapers. So I started researching other brands. Every site claims I will love cloth diapering. They recommend you have 6 dozen cloth diapers!!! But they say it will save us $1,500 a year PER baby. I am interested because: I know I will be WAY more motivated to potty train. I'm about as frugal as they come. I don't mind a little rinsing in the sink, if its required to rinse in the toilet..not interested. And I will pretty much hate life if I have to line dry 6 dozen diapers. No thanks. tumble dry low please.
Any recommendations? Cautions? Complaints? pros? cons? comments?

Here is where I found the cheap ones (found on Etsy but she has her own site too) http://boogerbutts.com/index.php?act=viewProd&productId=20
basically she says she makes no money doing this, only enough to keep buying materials.
I've also heard Bum Genius is a good brand, but pretty expensive!

I think I am absolutely crazy for doing this but if all my requirements above are met then I will graciously accept my $1500 savings per year to go to Hawaii. Well, Hawaii is Josh's first choice. He probably says every. day. how much he misses it there and that its the #1 most relaxing thing he has ever done in his life.

P.s. Speaking of Josh, he wrote me a letter for valentines day that made me cry and cleaned the kitchen like three times all weekend after I would mess it up after making a meal, making it the best Valentines day/weekend ever.

Shocked

So, I don't know how it is for a normal delivery, but after I had my C-section my hips, belly, thighs were so swollen that I resembled the "before" picture of one of the biggest loser tv show women. Or, on Mrs. Doubtfire when it shows Robin Williams getting dressed with the big body suit to dress up like a lady-I looked like THAT.
I honestly didn't ever think I would be sexy ever again. Around new years I tried to put on my favorite little black dress...and broke the zipper. Fail.

I had my mom just take the zipper out and sew it up last night and I must say I look so much better than i did a little over a month ago, which is when I started Zumba. I never ever ever thought I'd look in the mirror again and like what I saw. I've been to 3 different instructors but Cammie is the best one and she has a lot of hip hop moves, which is right up my alley!! I have also noticed I can't really push myself while working out on a treadmill or other machine, but I have to go to a class. Doesn't matter if its kick-boxing or step or regular aerobics but I work a lot harder in a classroom setting. But Zumba days are the bomb.
BUT. I don't like how popular its getting. Its getting difficult to have my own space to dance..and what? I have to show up 10 minutes early just to get a good spot? psh.
Tomorrow morning I am going with Cammie and a few of the regulars to a "Zumba Love" party. Don't really know what that entails...but they said Zumba so I immediately signed up.
I think I owe it to my sis Jana for introducing me.
But lets not keep spreading the word, classes are seriously getting too full. In my opinion its a party and NOT everyone is invited.
:D
Oh, and I saw my bro for the first time since the first of the year, and he said my face looks a lot skinnier. G'bye pregnant face! I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon though...

Perfectly Imperfect

I feel sorry for myself every once in a while. It's not cool to send a large pediatrician bill for the circumcision 5 months after we've been out of the hospital. When we are thinking hospital bills are done. But oh my problems compared to others are so microscopic. Money problems can't shake a stick at what some people are experiencing. Recently my friend Katie has been showing me the saddest blogs on earth. With sick babies. I will pray for them. And I cry and hug my baby and give thanks to heavenly father for such a perfect baby he is blessing us with. My heart aches for any mother that has to go through the death of a child. I honestly could not think of anything worse in the world. I can't remember if I've put this on my blog, but who cares...i'll say it again.
If I had to choose between the world dying, or my family dying, I would choose the world to die. It's probably the wrong choice, to be so selfish. And I should think in a more eternal perspective, I will live with them forever, but this life in this body with its crazy emotions... (yes I just got done reading The Host) I would do ANYTHING to save my family.

If you haven't read The Host, and you liked Twilight, you'll like The Host. I liked it more, it ws less predictable and more thought provoking.

i will kiss you! in front of everyone! (that was for you, Katie!)