:(

I went through my blog archives to see when the exact date my morning sickness was over last time. But I guess I didnt document that well enough. cuz I wrote "i dont know if my morning sickness is over today, cuz i have a bad migrane"

I haven't had a clean house in over 2 months. I have cooked maybe three meals in that two months. I've changed our bedsheets ONCE in the last 2 months. I usually do it once a week.

I've only been out of the house a few times (other than going to Zumba...which is pretty hard to get my lazy A to anyway)

That means I dont take Kaius anywhere or do anything fun. We play together in the living room but i would like to take him to the park and things.

I don't know how many times I've stopped at Arby's for curly fries. I dont know how many Wendy's stops I've made. Before this I rarely ate out.

On a more positive note:
No more BREASTFEEDING!!!! yahoo!!!!

(-side note-ya know those women who are super sad about stopping, cuz they are emotionally attached and will miss it? yeah, not one of those women. For me, it was the most healthy thing and it was free. I did it until it was recommended, which I guess is longer than most make it)

I quit about a month ago. Kaius began to like whole milk more and more, so I went down to twice a day, and then once a day, and the zero times a day.
Ever since then, he's sleeping through the night. and, AND he is cuddling with me way way way way more now. today he cuddled with me for like an hour on the couch. I loved it.

He knows how to kiss now (its still open mouthed but he totally leans in and has a sweet look on his face) and responds to a lot of things I say.
If I ask him to, he will point to his belly, his teeth/mouth, and sometimes he can get his nose. Every time I ask where his bum bum is, he says "bum bum bum..." And we are working on colors too.
Oh and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, Josh gets up with him. Its great. But i dont think i can physically get up.

Best Invention Ever

A girl in my babycenter group told me about these...

GUMMY PRENATAL VITAMINS.

I was skeptical at first, thinking they must be gross.

Well, I figured they are worth a shot, since I absolutely DREAD taking the pills. Everyone dreads taking them. They taste like garbage and the taste is left in your mouth. And every once in a while when you throw it up...you're traumatized and never want to take them again.
I will admit, I have skipped days because I would just put it off.

Well, these gummies are SO good. They are super soft and tasty. A bit pricey, but a lot worth it. They don't have iron in them though. But I'm not worried about it.
If you are pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant, you gotta get these! They are sold at Target and Costco. $11 for 90 gummies, and you take 2 a day. So each bottle will last 45 days.

Josh tried one and keeps trying to sneak them!

our AMAZING news

So I've been worried for the last week that I might be having a miscarriage. I'm 10 weeks along. So I called the dr. and they had me come in to check my HCG levels. Then 48 hours check them again, to make sure they double. They said they would call me Monday morning with the results.

This morning at 11:45 I still hadn't heard from them, so I called them. They said they had the results but hadn't had the chance to review them yet, so they'll get back to me. An hour later they called.
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your HCG levels were supposed to double, and they went down 20,000. You are most likely having a miscarriage. We will have you come in tomorrow to determine whether you will need to take medication or have a D & C to avoid an infection in your uterus."

"is there a chance I'm not having a miscarriage?" I ask through tears.

"At this point, its not likely," She states regretfully, "I'm so sorry I just don't want to give you any false hope."

I say goodbye through sobs and hang up the phone.

I immediately text my friends and family members who have been supporting me through this to let them know the bad news. I'm crying right now because I remember so well the pure grief I was going through.
I pulled myself together to call my sweet husband. But the sobbing continued and he said he would come right home to be with me.

I was thinking, 'This is not how it was supposed to be. Kaius was supposed to have a sibling close in age. that was our plan. For the last 2 months I've done nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV. My house is a pig sty. I haven't cooked in 2 months. Josh has done so much to take care of me and Kaius. Feeding us. Getting me food when I need/want it. Giving me massages whenever I want.
Did all of that go to waste? Is this my fault? Do I not take very good care of myself? It is all my fault.'

It was about at that point when I got another call from the dr's assistant, "I forgot to tell you why there is a chance why it may not be a miscarriage."
(oh REALLY? You also forgot to tell me there was a chance at all.)
"You're just over 10 weeks right?"
yes...
"Well its about at that point that your HCG levels off and evens out and can decrease..."
Thats basically it, I'll spare you the other intimate details.
I looked online a little bit and basically it said HCG levels aren't always accurate to tell you whether your pregnancy is viable or not. Everyone is different. Not everyone doubles every 48 hours.

After I read that, I told Josh "That makes me a little bit mad. I don't think I had a miscarriage! I think they will find a heartbeat."
He said he hopes they do too.

Before the appointment I was unusually chipper. I wasn't worried about it.
After about 3 minutes of her looking for the heartbeat with the doppler (and hearing my slow heartbeat a few times), she decided to go a little bit higher and *swoosh*swoosh*swoosh* went that baby's heartbeat. Tears filled my eyes and I don't remember a time feeling as much joy (yes I do, when I heard Kai's heartbeat the first time...and his first cry)
She said "You must be further along than we thought!! The baby is pretty high!"
We were so excited she turned on the ultrasound machine and she showed Josh and I the little tiny flutter of the heart.

Thank you to those of you who knew about it for your prayers and support. It would have been hard without you guys.
She told me when we were leaving that now that everything is ok after all that happened, the chances of me miscarrying are less than 3%. Super stoked! Baby #2 is on the way!!!!!

Weird

On MSN.com when I logged out of Hotmail, it showed a story about why educators are separating best friends in class and why its a good thing. The picture to go along with the article was this:



I did a double take at the girl on the left.

Doesn't she look like....me?

photoshop fail

Have you ever seen a worse airbrushing job? When I saw it, I was like...it looks airbrushed but maybe she lost weight. I watched a few minutes of the show today, uh, no. She is not that skinny.
Now that I look at it again I see how horrible of a job the did photoshopping her.

Im all about curves, lets be reasonable though, ABC.

The Bob Sagat Dream

So...the other night I had a dream that Josh didn't exist and I wasn't married. Its like every other night I'll have a dream that way, and then every night in between Kaius and Josh are there.

Well, I remember considering in my dream whether I should marry Bob Sagat, because we were dating and I guess you could say things were gettin' pretty serious (kip from napoleon dynamite accent).

Well, laying in bed last night I vented to Josh: "I'm really concerned!! Why would I dream that? He was a better looking Bob Sagat though."

Josh knew right away what the reason was.

Our guilty pleasure, is watching this absolutely ridiculous TV show about teenagers that have "S" and get pregnant a lot, and are ALL SUPER UNREALISTICALLY open about talking about "S" with their parents...Do you watch it too?



Anyway...

Here is one of the characters:




I thought they were related, but no. For the record, I don't think either of these men are attractive, but Ben (the top one) is better looking. Which is more of who the person in my dream looked like. I remember when I was considering marriage I was like "i'd be famous...but im REALLY not attracted to him" and I was completely torn.