Monday, April 5, 2010

advice?

I just read my whole blog starting with my first post. I freakin crack myself up. I blogged the day Obama was elected president and I happened to be blogging "80 things about me" and the last thing I added was "I can't believe our president's name is Barack Hussein Obama. America what the #$#@$ are you thinking. You'll be sorry someday"
Haha, well that day came didn't it. ;) haha ok that is not what I wanted to post about. Just one of the many things that made me laugh.

Reading back on all the memories of the first few weeks of Kai's life...I remember how physically and mentally tough that was for me.
My boobs were so raw that even water in the shower touching them was excruciating. I was so exhausted that I almost fell asleep twice will rocking Kaius to sleep-oh and I was STANDING both times. I got mastitis and all the pain I was already going through and then on top of it...flu-like symptoms?!

I remember a few days here and there where Kaius wouldn't sleep or eat therefore I didn't sleep or eat and that is just a recipe for disaster.
The lady in the ward that coordinated my meals must have never had a baby or never had major surgery. She made me feel so guilty for continuing to say yes to meals being brought over (she asked me THREE times the last week, "would you like someone to bring a meal friday?" and I said YES the first two times...then the third time she asked it was like, oh well thats code for: "I don't wanna have to find someone to do it so suck it up and get some take-out, broad." So I said no.)

My house was a huge hot mess so I felt like the worst wife. Dinner was not easy to make. I felt like the most un-sexy creature ever. Hormones are raging and I'm crying at everything. Clothes aren't fitting like the scale says they should. I never thought things would be normal.

Things are definitely normal now. I am so grateful for the things I have. I don't know what I did to be so blessed.

Having the flood of emotions back from those first few weeks got me thinking...

How will I do it with baby #2? Will I have no energy and will Kaius be completely neglected? Am I robbing him of my undivided attention by not spending a few years with him alone? While pregnant will I turn into a couch potato and not want to play with him? Will I love baby #2 as much? Will Kaius think I don't love him as much for having another baby? If I'm still breastfeeding Kaius and then give birth, how does that work? does colostrum come back? wont my supply be too much for a newborn? How will I deal when I have no sleep the first month or so of baby #2's life....how will I deal with a toddler getting into everything? They say to sleep while your newborn sleeps but you can't sleep if you've got a toddler toddling around.
No, I'm not pregnant, but I'm thinking about it. Can I do it? Am I strong enough?

If you have ANY advice, please offer it. If you have two kids close in age please give advice.

Having said all that...we moved twice in 4 months, once when i was 7 months pregnant and once when Kaius was a month old. I think I'll be better prepared with how the recovery of getting a C-section will be. I've heard from many moms that each C-section gets easier to recover from.

12 comments:

Madalyn said...

I only have one child right now but I'm hoping to get pregnant this year, so I have all the same worries that you have! How will I physically/mentally get everthing done when I have two flippin kids!?

Kovac Family said...

Hey Carly! I had my two kiddios 15 months apart! I thougHT I thought I was crazy at first and so did every one else... I would not change at all though it was the best thing I could have done! they are so close with each other! When I brought the 2nd baby home it did not really bother the 1st he had no idea what was going on really... every time I nursed he sat by me and was my little shadow most of the time... anyway you can ask me anything you want... I'm just glad I did it that close =)

Stephanie said...

My kids are 19 months apart (I got pregnant when Rachael was 9 months-ish)...and I would not do it again. I love Michael, and I'm so glad I had him, but I do wish I had waited to have him. I will not have kids that close ever again (that is, IF I have more kids).

So...as to your questions:
Yes, you will be completely exhausted and Kaius will most likely be a bit neglected (TV was on all day every day at our house).

You probably will turn into a couch potato. Some don't, but I did.

You will DEFINITELY love baby #2 just as much.

I'm not exactly sure about how the breastfeeding works with 2, all I know is that it IS possible and people do it all the time. Check out kellymom.com for more info.

How will you deal with sleep?? Well, you won't. haha For me, I didn't get any sleep, and was exhausted all day...and that's just how it was for the first 2 months or so.

So...my final verdict is, people do it all the time. You definitely could do it if you wanted to. However, I wish I had waited. It was much harder than I thought (everyone told me it would be easier than I thought-liars!) which lead to PPD. The first 2 months were hell...but now, I can honestly say that things are much easier, and getting easier every week. So, if you do it, just be prepared for a hard couple of months. Things settle down after that though. Let me know if you have any other questions!

Katie Jo said...

Now thanks to your friend Stephanie I'm all freaked out. HAHAHA I've heard from everyone that baby #2 is easier just because you know what to expect and what you're doing. BUT... all babies are different so you might get an angel that sleeps good or you might get a colic baby that cries all the time. All I know, is that we have to have more kids sometime, so might as well get it over with right? Let's get on the baby band wagon Carly!!! heheh

Bradley, DeAnna, and Donovan said...

We are just barely starting to work on baby #2 and Donovan will be 3 in 4 months. I'm glad I waited, I was not ready for another baby until very recently. Donovan is at the point where he is more helpful and follows directions pretty well so he'll be able to help out with a new baby instead of feeling neglected. He's at a very active age too which I'm sure will help me be in better shape than I was when I was pregnant with him. I'm glad I waited, but if you want another one soon, I'm sure you could do it.

Kyle & Christina said...

Oh my dear cousin Carly! I love your blog you are always so dedicated and have an out spoken mind! I wish so badly I could be as dedicated as you! With that said I actually feel like I can offer so me advice seeing as I have 2 babies 17 months apart. So here it goes... Kyle and I found out I was pregnant when Simone was 10 months old! Not really a big shock seeing as we wanted to try for another when she was 1. Then a week later the hormones kicked in and I started to freak out... what was I thinking how could I do it with 2 BABIES, literally! I was still nursing Simone how could I wean her so earlier... Then reality hit... I have no choice I have to suck it up and deal with it seeing as I was already pregnant...Haha! Anyways, my pregnancy went well with Taika, Morning sickness wasn't as bad, but I was tired so I made sure I napped when she napped. And I just adjusted, and put myself on a schedule( I love schedules)... fitting in time to exercise and clean! I slowly weaned Simone, and she was completely off by 12 months. So it came time to have Taika and I noticed even from the beginning at the hospital the difference from my first. I wasn't as exhausted... the late nights, midnight feedings, and morning waking up with Simone didn't seem as hard as the first. I got Mastitis with both my babies too! I was so thankful for my mom and Kyle to help during that, and nursing was a little easier too... my boobs weren't as sore as long! But then Kyle left me to go to basic training and I was alone to adjust with an 18 month old and 1 month old! I was emotionally drained and stressed more because of being seperated from the love of my life than having a newborn... because of it I lost my milk supply and had to switch to formula at 4 months with Taika! I wasn't very happy about that but I did what had to be done to make my life a little more controllable. I think as you have more children you just adjust and you realize that letting things go that are a little less important is ok! I can't say it will be easy but I know for sure that you'll love baby #2 just as much as #1! And Kaius will LOVE having a little brother or sister to keep him company and play with! Anyways, I probably said too much but I hope this helps! And if you have anymore questions I'm free to talk anytime! Love ya girlie! You'll do great, Just don't expect a miracle... adjusting takes time! For the joy of children it is sooo worth it!

Kyle & Christina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alicia said...

Hey woman! You are going to be just fine with another baby! Being a mom where baby #2 & 3 are only 14 months apart it wasn't so easy, but we lived through it. Ruby was bottle fed so I didn't have problems with nursing one and adding another, but sleep was good only b/c R loved to sleep all night long and K slept with steve and I. YES i am a lazy nurser at night. Just eat and I will go back to sleep. Oh you woke up? Okay other side and back to sleep.

Now I thought the first year was hard, but it sure has gotten easier over the years with the little girls. The thing that was the hardest and still is hard for me is that once R gets out of a stage, K is right there to start into it. It seems like things go on forever, but they both play great some days together it gives me a break.

Trust me you will love another baby just as much as Kaius! They are all their own and are the same but very different too! but the love will still be there. Your heart has a way of doubling in size with every baby!

You are a super woman and you will do amazing b/c you are an awesome mom!!

Jeana said...

okay carly, my first 2 were 23 months apart and my second and 3rd are 17 months apart. here is the thing, the first child is all new, mentally and physically exhausting. i remember feeling so sorry for myself that i wasn't getting sleep and it seemed so hard! i was thinking it would be the same with #2 but it wasn't. i think that you know what to expect and when you have your first you go from having your all time to yourself to pretty much making it all about the baby. so when the second comes you just do it without even thinking about it. dont get me wrong dealing with all the post partem stuff with your body is hard. but it will be that way no matter how long you wait in between :) and here's something to think about when you say should you give kaius more time alone? i used to worry about the same thing but then i realized that the first child will be the only child to ever have you all to themselves. you'll never be able to give the others the complete undivided attention that you can when its your first and only. and for me i've always wanted my kids close.. i love that they will grow up together and always have one sibling in school with them. i love that they are close enough to play together now. i don't in the least feel like my children are neglected by being so close in age. i know some people can't understand that but everyone is different, have different levels of patience, and different ideas of parenting. people tell me all the time they don't know how i can do it, and how i want to keep having them close. i just want to stay in the baby phase while i'm in baby mode ya know? and this is the vain part of me :) i want to be done young enough to be able to get my body back and enjoy that for a while before i start getting older! ha ha i have to admit though that when i was pregnant with my 2nd i worried SO much about my first, i was so afraid that he was going to feel abandonned and neglected! i would cry about it when i thought about it too much. but then she was born and it wasnt like that. and i couldn't imagine how i could love another as much as the first, but it never ceases to amaze with each child :)don't worry so much, you do what you feel is right for you. pray about it with josh, if you feel ready, go for it, maybe after that you'll decide you want a bigger gap, maybe not.. i didn't :)

Chantalle Bishop said...

Hey! I just got back from vaca and saw your post. I worried about #2...especially since we were STILL at the bishops house. So I was picturing crying at everything, not wanting to get dressed, etc. but at their house! It ended up being awesome. I didnt feel like crying once. I totally did with Zach, and I could tell it just so happened that that hormone wasn't as strong this time! It was awesome. Since I was expecting the worst, by the time it came around I knew what was going on and it wasnt bad. Ours are almost exactly 24 months apart. Since I knew what was coming, it was much easier. And I was worried for sure and happily surprised!

Jana said...

My kids are 3 years apart exactly and I would not have it any other way. I worried about the closeness issue, which is why I got pregnant that first time... but when I had the miscarriage it was a blessing in disguise. I was not ready to have 2 yet. Carmen was a very hard toddler and there was no way I could have dealt with a newborn at the same time as her terrible 2's.
The nice thing about waiting is that you don't feel like you have 2 babies at the same time. She was potty trained before he was born, so I've only ever had 1 kid in diapers. She helps me out a lot with him.
And as far as the closeness goes... they play together already, and love it. So I don't think an age gap hurts that much. Look at you and I, we are 5 years apart and I think we are as close as we would have been had we been closer in age.
Also you cant pick the gender, and my girl pregnancy was WAY harder than my boy one.
I'm sure if you do have another baby soon, you'll be just fine... but I personally think waiting makes life a lot easier.

Linds said...

Am I too late for the advice?? Are you prego yet? Ha Ha! I would have to agree with Jana. My kids are all almost 3 years apart. I love it. And if I ever get pregnant again...Camryn and new baby will be over 4 years apart. They have NO problems playing together. I also think it helps body wise and mentally to have some time in between and get back to normal. That was best for me. You have to decide what's best for you and Josh. Kids are resilient. They will make it through anything.